Is the Term “Control” a Biblical Way to Describe a Seemingly Common Problem?
The word “control” is a well-known term in our day and age. We hear of others, and maybe even ourselves, being labeled as “controlling.” As biblical counselors we are called to speak the truth in love, but we are to do so with discernment as we evaluate modern descriptions of people’s problems. This blog seeks to look at control through the lens of Scripture so we can understand this common problem and its solution biblically.
Is “Control” a Biblical Idea?
Much like the word “Trinity,” control captures an idea in Scripture that is not specifically given a name in the Bible.
What is commonly referred to as control is a heart/desire issue that can lie at the root of several sin issues, such as overbearing behavior, anger, perfectionism, or fear. When viewed this way, control can be compared to the desire for ease or comfort that lies at the heart of those who are lazy or lack diligence (Proverbs 21:25-26).
The Control Spectrum
Control can manifest in many ways, and this is what may be confusing. For some, the controlling husband comes to mind. He’s the one who acts more like a dictator in his home than a loving servant-leader (Mark 10:42). Others may think of those who manipulate those around them to get their own way—either through subtle or more coercive methods (Romans 16:18). The most common expression, however, could be responding sinfully when life does not go our way, or when people do not do what we think they should (1 Samuel 18:8; Matthew 6:25; Luke 10:41). The control spectrum, therefore, could be anywhere from those who dominate or manipulate to get their way, all the way to those who simply respond sinfully to situations (past, present, or future) God has allowed or may allow in His loving, wise providence.
Control, however, is not always a sin. There are areas of our own lives where God calls us to exercise a degree of (self) control to fulfill a God-given responsibility—while dependent on God’s Word and Spirit. A desire for control can be sinful, however, when it goes beyond (even if only in the heart) what God has given His children the responsibility to do (control), since this is almost always done in a self-serving way to fulfill a person’s own agenda.
The Heart of Control
Depending on what part of the spectrum someone is on, their heart could look very different. But here are some common characteristics of a proud, controlling heart.
Control fundamentally trusts in self and not God. The Bible speaks often of this idea (Psalm 4:5; Proverbs 3:5; Isaiah 26:3-4; Jeremiah 17:5-9; Romans 12:16c; 2 Corinthians 1:9; 1 Peter 2:21-25). Essentially, a person who trusts in self is leaning upon their own finite understanding to judge what is best, right, good, etc., and often develops a specific expectation on how circumstances should play out or people should respond.
Control often places a person’s individual will before God’s and/or others as self-centered judgements and expectations are formed. This attitude is the opposite of what Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
Control focuses its hope on circumstances and not on God and His promises. As a person forms a circumstantial expectation of what is best, right, and good, that shapes what they hope will happen to bring about what they see as best, right, and good. As circumstances turn out differently than they hoped, however, it can make the heart sick in a variety of ways (Proverbs 13:12; cf. Psalm 42:5).
Control can also put a person in the place of God. Those who struggle with control trust in their own reasoning and (often only in practice) turn away from God’s wisdom, believing their own will is best and consequently wanting it accomplished. This turning could be an intentional turning from God to self (Jeremiah 17:5) but is more often revealed in one or more emotions—such as anger, discouragement, depression, anxiety, or fear—displayed as God’s providence unfolds contrary to what was hoped for (1 Kings 19:1-18; Psalm 4:4-5).
Consequences of Control (Galatians 6:7)
Being worn out or discouraged by trying to control things that only God can truly control.
Having a hard time forgiving since “letting go” of a situation is difficult.
Wide ranging fallout from a person’s anger, anxiety, disappointment, depression, etc. when life does not go their way.
Strained and/or destroyed relationships (with God and others) since their focus is on fulfilling self and not serving God and others.
Why Is Control Important to God?
In the sense described above, control is idolatry. It is a form of self-worship (2 Corinthians 5:15). As a person leans on their own understanding and determines what they believe would be best, they tend to struggle with trusting and worshiping the God who is in control and truly knows best (Isaiah 55:8-9; Romans 11:33-36).
As a result of the fall in Genesis 3, mankind has the tendency to trust in self and desire our own will fulfilled foremost—placing us in opposition to one another and God (Genesis 3:16c; James 4:1-10). Control is important to God because it turns the worship and glory He rightly deserves and directs it to whatever a person determined “should” happen. This action elevates the person and their desires while neglecting God and His desires.
As a result, people are controlled by their own judgments and expectations and not by a love for God or others. Speaking of what a Christian’s motivation should be instead, Paul writes, “For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf” (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).
The definition of the word “control” used by Paul here is “to urge or force (a person) to an action; constrain or motivate.” As we think about control, we need to make sure our motives and actions in this life are informed by the great love Christ demonstrated for us in His life and death, so that His love will control us to live our lives for Him and not the way we think life should be.
Dependent Trust in God
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
When life does not go the way we hoped it would (the way we believed would be best, wise, and good), we must place our trust in God. Meditating on at least three of God’s attributes helps us humbly depend on and worship God by placing our trust in Him and what He has ordained even when we believe what is happening in the world around us is confusing, difficult, or just an outright terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Sovereign – Psalm 103:19
Wise – Isaiah 55:8-9
Loving/Good – Romans 8:28-29
Biblical Example of Trust
We see a biblical example of trust in Joseph in Genesis 50:20.
Speaking to his brothers, Joseph knew, humanly speaking, they were responsible for the evil they did to him so many years before (“you meant evil against me”). Yet, Joseph also believed God was ultimately in control and allowed the evil for his and Israel’s ultimate good (“but God meant it for good”). Therefore, Joseph believed God was sovereignly in control of what happened, and in His wisdom planned what happened, to do good to His people (“to save many people alive”). In thinking through the life of Joseph, I am convinced that Joseph’s faithfulness was a direct result of how he processed his incredibly difficult circumstances through the lens of God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness. This led him to a humble, dependent trust in his God. Even though at times in Joseph’s life, he would have had no idea the good God was doing (Genesis 42:21), he knew his God and trusted in Him (45:5).
Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.”
Faithfulness in Serving God and Others
“Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
A heart that humbly depends on and worships God by trusting in Him can be weaned of its desire to control (Psalm 131), and instead set its gaze on faithfully serving the Lord and His perfect will (Luke 22:42). As undesirable circumstances arise, the heart that struggles with control must not ask, “What do I want?” but “What does God want?” and “How can I love and serve others as revealed in God’s Word?” They must resist the desire to go beyond (even if only in the heart) what God has given His children the responsibility to do (control) and faithfully and humbly serve the Lord and His agenda (Philippians 2:3-4; Mark 10:45; 1 Corinthians 4:2; Matthew 22:37-40).
Conclusion
As you read the heart and manifestations of control above, I hope what needs to be “put off” and “put on” has become clearer. If not, or if there are still questions, the resources recommended above should help you in the process of understanding the specific problem you face and what specific practical ways you can put on Christlike righteousness in its place. Just remember that both the heart (thoughts, desires, hopes, expectations, trusts, etc.) and the hands (all physical manifestations) should be addressed as you work out your repentance to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
In conclusion, I pray our great God would be glorified in struggling hearts as He is known more fully so that His providence is not only trusted but exalted, and His purposes not only accepted but whole-heartedly served.
May God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven!
As Corrie Ten Boom wrote, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”